How To Win More Friends & Influence Them

Leon Shimkin of the publishing firm Simon & Schuster took one of Carnegie’s 14-week courses on human relations and public speaking; afterward, Shimkin persuaded Carnegie to let a stenographer take notes from the course to be revised for publication. The initial five thousand copies of the book sold exceptionally well, going through 17 editions in its first year alone.

In 1981, a revised edition containing updated language and anecdotes was released. The revised edition reduced the number of sections from six to four, eliminating sections on effective business letters and improving marital satisfaction. After reading many books and novels, the insight I have learnt from this is incomparable I would to share some with you which may change your thought and attitude towards people.

⦁ Give people a reason to want to do something. Mistakes demoralize people but anytime you encourage your friend he/she takes you to be his/her role model and become your follower for life. For instance, why must I speak English with you if only my mistakes are recognized? You will one day see me speaking the same language with another person who encourages and point out my strength and correct me whenever I go wrong.

⦁ Inspire others to talk more about themselves. If you really want to win people, encourage them to talk more about themselves by listening, asking questions and this will surely help them to trust you. After allowing them on to speak about themselves you then find yourself in a good position to share your ideas on what you have listen and trust me, this will let them behave like you. No wonder couples who listens to each other after long marriage behave alike.

⦁ Be genuinely interested in other people. Don’t pretend to be the coach on your friend’s life because he/she will tag as all-knowing and bluffing but rather be curious and interested in them. They will open up to you the more because they see you as someone they can be with all the time since you genuinely have interest in them but not imposing your ideas on them. You can use this method to get more friends within a shorter period of time so as to control them in the near future.

⦁ Don’t counterattack people in their statement, agree first. Respect and agree to their point of view before giving them an alternative or your point of view. Resistance or argument stops as soon as you agree to their point of view before bringing on your point which is an alternative to theirs. It’s very uneasy to win friends if you find difficult to accept their thought, you repel them from you because they feel unimportant whenever they are around you.

⦁ Speak to the benefit of other people not yourself. This a fundamental principle of marketing and sales if you don’t get this right, making others to take you as product, service or friend becomes very difficult. Give people the reason to choose you as friend but don’t impose yourself on them by addressing what they want and understanding their interest. Thinking about others is a unique way to enter into someone’s heart.

⦁ As a leader, ask questions instead of giving orders. In executing a project, it wouldn’t move efficiently as expected if you choose to give orders as a boss than asking much questions at round table for members to bring their ideas. If you involve people in decision making, they feel part and thereby contributing their widows might to execute the project. They wouldn’t behave like servant to you but become a colleague which good for any organization to achieve it success. These people become your friends and not your servants.

⦁ For a person to like you, you must like them first. You can’t improve someone’s life or get him/her like if you don’t show yours first. This helps to motivate, influence and make take you as their role model.

⦁ Names are the sweetest and most important sound in any language. “The average person is more interested in their own name than in all the other names in the world put together. People love their names so much that they will often donate large amounts of money just to have a building named after themselves. We can make people feel extremely valued and important by remembering their name.

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Bernard Kwadwo Afful.

Self employed.

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